Bonding

One of the requirements from our adoption agency is a reading list. There are books that we read and write a quick review on. It makes me feel like I'm back in high school English again! There are different topics and discussions in these books, one being bonding.

We who have had children in the past ten years know this term. It is in all the parent magazines and "What to Expect" books. (Did those make you feel guilty? I always did.) Bond between a mother and child. How to have a great one. If you don't bond your kid is screwed up forever. Ways to bond. There are so many different articles and tips.

Here's the thing. We know, thanks to super smart scientists, that babies form their bonds IN the mother's womb. They hear her voice, hear her laugh, hear her music. The constant beating of her heart is the sound that her baby knows. God designed this. He designed it so that when the baby enters this world it's momma is the first thing it smells. When that happens all sorts of good stuff is released in both the baby's brain and the Mommy's.

Our baby will be different. Our baby will hear all these wonderful things and smell it's sweet mother at birth. Then *BAM* no more momma smells. No more of her voice. This baby will be going through a full on grief process. It was hard for me to imagine that something so intense could happen on such a primal level.

So what do we do? How do you heal that hurt? Can you heal that hurt?

We become knowledgeable on bonding. We know that the first weeks home with this baby will be a little different. I will not be nursing this baby, but I will be the primary feeder. So this means lots of skin contact. Lots of snuggling. Doesn't sound so bad to me!!! Another way to help the transition is with a small stuffed animal that sleeps in between Josh and I for a few weeks. We seal it up in a baggie and this gets put next to our baby in the hospital so our smell becomes familiar.

Adoption is so different in some ways. But what I love is that throughout this process God is showing me how big He is and how He has it all under control.